An accident??

I was told several times that the defense in this case is trying to prove that this was a horrible, horrible accident and it wasn't done intentionally, blah, blah, blah.

Well, we all know the obvious - that Steve died from this "accident," INSTANTLY! Take a look at these & tell me if you think that this was "a horrible, horrible accident."

Here's Allan Mompoint's car:

A few simple details some of you may or may not know:

• This "accident" occurred in a residential neighborhood
• The posted speed limit IS 25mph
• Alan Mompoint's passenger told police when he looked at the speedometer, it was at 70mph!!!
• Accident reconstructions experts say that at the time of impact, Mompoint's car was was going at least 55mph!!!
• His passenger also said that he kept telling Mompoint to stop running stop signs & to slow down! (If you were able to watch the news story, there is video of this statement.)

And yet they're trying to prove this was "a horrible, horrible accident." Good luck with that one! And what kind of attorney defends losers like Mompoint? How can you live with yourself? I just don't know.

Another day, I'll post some of the results of Steve's autopsy from the Medical Examiner's Office. I'm just too worn out right now...

Oh and, by the way, Allan Mompoint walked away from this "accident" without a single scratch!

Shattered Dreams

What's new with the case? Still nothing.

Another pre-trial hearing set for 5/7/09 @ 8:30am. A tentative trial date has been set for the week of 5/11/09. Same old form letters (with different dates each time) that I've been getting since last year!

RE: State vs. Allen L. Mompoint
Case No.: 2008-35229CFAES
ASA: Melissa L. Clark.

Same shit, different day.

In the meantime, I cannot find a job to save my life, money is super tight and Allan Mompoint is free. He is living his every day life.

Allan Mompoint shattered this dream (among many others):

Seven Pounds

So, I watched this movie, Seven Pounds, 2 days ago. Wow! I wish someone would've warned me not to! Will Smith is great in the movie. If you haven't seen it, obviously you won't know what I'm talking about and I don't want to ruin it for you. I will warn you, though, it is a tear jerker! I definitely wasn't ready for it!
On another note, today's one of those days. Feeling down, always wishing I could turn back time. I wish I could go back to our little house in Deland, to our little family, our little routine and not worry about anyone or anything else! I wish it were that simple! I miss my husband! I want more than anything to see him interacting with Ella and Ciana. It's so unfair! Ella doesn't know him. We have to remind her that the man in the pictures is her Daddy. She does smile at him, though. As if she knows.
It's so sad. I just want to go to sleep.

So far away

It's been so hard. I don't know what makes it harder lately. Steve feels so far away. I have his pictures everywhere. It's just this feeling that's so sad because nothing can make it better. I long to hear his voice so badly! Not just in a video but in conversation. I wish I could sit with him, like we used to, on the couch all curled up and just shoot the breeze. God, I miss him so much! Of course I've missed him from the beginning of this horrible tragedy.

It's hard to explain how it works inside of me. I'll try. First, it's missing him - his physical being, his presence, his contribution to our lives, our family. So many things, actually. All of it. I don't know. I can't make sense of it in words. I just miss all of the little things that you don't think about on a daily basis b/c it's just life. I miss Steve's way of being and how that always kept our household happy! I miss hearing his voice calling me "Karlita, my love." I miss hearing him say to me "Tu eres mi corazon" in what he thought was pretty perfect spanish - it was pretty good. He used to come home to all "his girls," including our dog Lily, and say really loud "Well helllllooooo there!!!" All the girls had to pretty much stand in line to welcome him home. Usually Lily was 1st b/c she ran to him & practically jumped 6'2" to his face! Then, there were Ciana and Ella, not necessarily in that order. Of course, I let everyone else get their turn & I was last. I didn't ever mind, though. I just loved seeing the girls get excited to see him & seeing how happy he was to get such a welcome. He'd always say he was the king of the castle and I was his queen.

Steve would get cranky sometimes b/c he couldn't surf as often as he'd like. Then he'd have a good day of surfing. He would come home & be so happy! He would put his hands on my arms and gently shake me, while looking me in the eyes. He'd say: "I LOVE YOU!" I'd say "I love you too." He'd say, "I don't think you understand...I LOVE you!" I'd say "I love you too, Steve." He'd go on to thank me (every single time) for being such an awesome wife and being okay with his surfing, saying that a lot of women wouldn't be okay w/their husbands going off to surf. I always reassured him that I'd feel horrible if he didn't surf, especially b/c he didn't think I liked it. I couldn't deprive him of the one thing he loved most, other than God & family.

I'm so sad. It hurts to miss someone this much and know that you can never see them, touch them, smell them, feel them or anything with them again. How do you get past that? How can you ever find anyone else that will make you feel that way again? It's horrible.

I feel like I'm going through the motions. My kids make me happy but when I'm happy b/c of them, I think about Steve and it makes me sad. He's missing out on all of it. How is any of it fair?

Steve, I wish you were here, still. I would give anything to have you back, mi amor!