Letters

I feel so frustrated! I feel like I'm doing everything I can to get through to people & ask them to send letters that I can give to the judge. I have only received ONE!
I guess when the tragedy is new to so many, they act all concerned and offer to do whatever they can. Almost 2 years has gone by and people forget. Everyone else goes on living their lives and they forget. They don't have to deal with the loss every day. It's different for them.
I just hope that with what my family and I have to say to the judge, it'll be enough.

A long overdue update

Well, several months have passed since I've given any updates and I'm sorry for that. I had been so frustrated with the same thing, month after month; a pretrial hearing & then a continuance.

Last month, I received a call from Melissa Clark's office asking if my mother in law and I can come in for a meeting w/Melissa b/c the defense had an offer that they wanted to present to us. So, as my mother in law and I had done several times before, we drove to Daytona Beach, with Ella and met with Melissa Clark.

Before Melissa gave us the offer that the defense had, she prefaced by saying that even though he was being tried as an adult, "more than likely" he would be considered a youthful offender. The maximum sentence for a youthful offender is 6 years, total. Meaning any combination of jail and/or probation. The defense's offer was 4 years total: 2 years jail, 2 years probation. She also said that we should take into consideration that if he is well behaved, he would probably only serve about 85% of his sentence. So, not even a full 2 years in jail??? Really? Well, guess what? I interrupted her politely and told her "NO." It's been almost 2 years since Steve was killed! It feels like a lifetime ago and yet it feels like just yesterday I walked out of my house and yelled "I love you" to my husband before leaving. FOUR years is not something that I am going to agree with.

Melissa said that we can say no all together or we can counter offer. Well, we counter offered with 8 years (even though max for youthful offender is 6 years), 4 and 4. I told Melissa what our counter offer was and she said she would present it to the defense. She called me right back and said that the defendant was more than likely going to plea open. I've learned that this basically means that he's going to enter his plea to the judge with no deal on the table. After that conversation, we agreed that she'd call me back once they went to the next pretrial hearing, which took place last week.

On Friday, the 13th, I got a voice message from Melissa saying that Allen Mompoint entered an open plea and that the sentencing hearing was scheduled for Thursday, January 7 at 1:30pm. She asked me to call her back so she can tell me what this all means and to make sure that all of our questions are answered.

I called Melissa back today. Here's what's going to go down. Like I said before, the hearing is on 1/7/10 (10 days before the 2 year anniversary of Steve's death, by the way!), this is when we get to address the judge and say what we want to say. The defendant and his family will have the same opportunity on this day. She warned me that Allen Mompoint will probably be crying and be very remorseful. His family will talk about him being a good student, a model child and whatever other bull shit they can say.

I asked Melissa if the judge will have all of the information about the case, the accident, what happened, etc. She said she knows he will have the police report which outlines the crash and the speeds the defendant was going. [A quick side note: in the police report, it is stated that the defendant was going 45 mph! The accident reconstruction expert said that at the time of impact, his car into Steve's, he was going about 50 to 55mph!! I wonder if the judge will have that info!] She did however say that she wasn't sure if the judge will have the info that states that there was almost 2 feet of intrusion into the car (into Steve) from the crash! Little bits of info like that may or may not be read by the judge!

The judge will have two different reports. By what I understood, they are reports about Allen Mompoint. Things like how far he'd gone in school, any prior arrests if any, tickets, did he serve in the military, is he married, does he have children, etc. There's a recommendation on one as to what his sentence should be if he's tried as a juvenille (which he isn't) and the other is a recommendation as to what his sentence should be if he's tried as an adult/youthful offender. Please don't quote me on this b/c I'm not sure if I understood her correctly.
So, basically, it's up to us to make sure the judge knows all those same things about Steve.

Let's think about this for a minute and maybe compare a little:
How far Steve went in school: Masters Degree obtained, going back for PhD
Prior arrests: NONE
Tickets: One b/c he didn't change lanes in time when a cop had someone else pulled over. The ticket was dismissed.
Did he serve in the military: United States Air Force!
Was he married: Uh, yeah.
Children: Beautiful baby Ella and he took Ciana on as his own!

So, because Steve's immediate family is rather large, we will probably be the only ones that will have the chance to actually speak to the judge directly on that day. However, this is what I am asking anyone and everyone: PLEASE, PLEASE, PLEASE! Write a letter to the judge! Talk to him about Steve, who he was to you, how he affected your life, how he made an impact, how much he is missed, anything! I am asking that you all send these letters to me. Email me or send them in the mail. I would like to have these letters delivered to the judge so that he can read through them prior to the sentencing hearing! I want to make a statement!!! Steve had over 300 people at his funeral! It would really say a lot, in my opinion, if the judge received 300 letters talking about Steve and what a great loss we have all suffered in having lost him!

Please get in contact with me. I will give you my email address or my mailing address and please send me something, anything. We are pleading with this judge to allow justice to be served and for Allen Mompoint to receive just punishment for his recklessness!

We have waited almost 2 years and this will be the only time that we will have the chance to be heard. Please help me fight for this, in Steve's honor! I need everyone's help!

Thank you so much! Thank you for continually being so supportive and keeping us in your thoughts and prayers! It means more than you know. We need those prayers.

motion hearing

I just heard on the news about a pair of sisters that recently appeared in court, being accused of a string of purse snatching with some violence involved. Their bond was set at $75,000 each!!! Isn't our justice system amazing?? $75,000 bond for a bunch of purse snatchers! And Alan Mompoint's bond was set at only $2,000! He took a life! Wow!

Anyway, I recently received my usual form letter from the state attorney's office. However, this one is a little different:

Re: State vs. Allen L Mompoint
Case No.: 2008-35229CFAES
ASA: Melissa L Clark

Dear Karla Mitchell:

This is to inform you that a hearing for the above named defendant has been scheduled for a MOTION HEARING on 7/31/2009 at 10:30 AM. If you have received a subpoena for this hearing, you must attend. Otherwise, your attendance is not mandatory. However, the Assistant State Attorney may request your presence.

In order to keep you informed regarding your case, please notify us promptly of any change of address or phone number.

If you have any questions, please contact the Assistant State Attorney or the Victim Notification Office

VICTIM ADVOCATE SERVICES

That's all. I'm not even sure what a motion hearing is. I'll have to make another phone call to find out. I just want this all to be overwith!!!

Gone too soon

I was watching some of the Michael Jackson memorial and couldn't help but think of Steve the entire time. I was saying to myself, as I'm sure everyone is, "I can't believe Michael Jackson is dead." At the same time, as I've been doing for almost a year and a half, I keep saying "I can't believe Steve is gone."

It hurts me to see his family mourning. It takes me right back to the day Steve was taken from us. It took me back to the night in the funeral home, sitting in the front row, staring at my husband's 6'2", 195lb body laying in a coffin that was too small for him; not looking anything like the Steve that we knew. It took me back to the day at the church when Billy had to literally hold me up as another member of the United States Air Force handed me Steve's flag & saluted it.

If you haven't gone through this, which I don't wish on anyone, the pain is more than emotional. There are many times when my body aches. I just miss him, his being, his voice, his smile, his goofiness, everything. And it physically hurts to know that he will never be back. There is nothing anyone can do to bring him back to us. It hurts so much.

So, updates on the case? Nothing much. Another pretrial taking place this week. I was told that we'd more than likely be going to trial this month but b/c there were so many conflicts w/people's schedules, they're going to try for next month.

If you are following this blog & live locally, please feel free to come to the trial!! It is open to anyone! Once I have a date & time, I will definitely let everyone know.

The girls are both growing so quickly! They make me so happy and I am such a proud mommy! Ella is talking so much more now and her favorite response to me, unfortunately, is "no mommy." But I know it will pass. Steve would be very proud of both of our girls!

You are always in our hearts & thoughts, Steve. Words cannot describe how much we miss you, corazon!

This picture is from Ciana's 9th b/day party. It was less than a month before Steve's accident.

Tubing and sandwiches

On Mothers' Day, we went to my sister in law, Shawn's house for a relaxing day on the lake. Ella and Ciana had so much fun playing w/their cousins. The big kids got to go tubing out on the lake and Ella had her chance to get on the tube too (without being pulled by a boat, of course)! Take a look:

And today, Ella ate her 1st real sandwich, the normal way - biting into the bread, meat & cheese all at the same time! It was super cute:

Cowards

For those of you who think you can use this blog to attack me and hide behind some lame screen name, you are so sadly mistaken! If you have something to say to me, say it in person, to my face, COWARDS! Screw you!
You will never break me down!

An accident??

I was told several times that the defense in this case is trying to prove that this was a horrible, horrible accident and it wasn't done intentionally, blah, blah, blah.

Well, we all know the obvious - that Steve died from this "accident," INSTANTLY! Take a look at these & tell me if you think that this was "a horrible, horrible accident."

Here's Allan Mompoint's car:

A few simple details some of you may or may not know:

• This "accident" occurred in a residential neighborhood
• The posted speed limit IS 25mph
• Alan Mompoint's passenger told police when he looked at the speedometer, it was at 70mph!!!
• Accident reconstructions experts say that at the time of impact, Mompoint's car was was going at least 55mph!!!
• His passenger also said that he kept telling Mompoint to stop running stop signs & to slow down! (If you were able to watch the news story, there is video of this statement.)

And yet they're trying to prove this was "a horrible, horrible accident." Good luck with that one! And what kind of attorney defends losers like Mompoint? How can you live with yourself? I just don't know.

Another day, I'll post some of the results of Steve's autopsy from the Medical Examiner's Office. I'm just too worn out right now...

Oh and, by the way, Allan Mompoint walked away from this "accident" without a single scratch!

Shattered Dreams

What's new with the case? Still nothing.

Another pre-trial hearing set for 5/7/09 @ 8:30am. A tentative trial date has been set for the week of 5/11/09. Same old form letters (with different dates each time) that I've been getting since last year!

RE: State vs. Allen L. Mompoint
Case No.: 2008-35229CFAES
ASA: Melissa L. Clark.

Same shit, different day.

In the meantime, I cannot find a job to save my life, money is super tight and Allan Mompoint is free. He is living his every day life.

Allan Mompoint shattered this dream (among many others):

Seven Pounds

So, I watched this movie, Seven Pounds, 2 days ago. Wow! I wish someone would've warned me not to! Will Smith is great in the movie. If you haven't seen it, obviously you won't know what I'm talking about and I don't want to ruin it for you. I will warn you, though, it is a tear jerker! I definitely wasn't ready for it!
On another note, today's one of those days. Feeling down, always wishing I could turn back time. I wish I could go back to our little house in Deland, to our little family, our little routine and not worry about anyone or anything else! I wish it were that simple! I miss my husband! I want more than anything to see him interacting with Ella and Ciana. It's so unfair! Ella doesn't know him. We have to remind her that the man in the pictures is her Daddy. She does smile at him, though. As if she knows.
It's so sad. I just want to go to sleep.

So far away

It's been so hard. I don't know what makes it harder lately. Steve feels so far away. I have his pictures everywhere. It's just this feeling that's so sad because nothing can make it better. I long to hear his voice so badly! Not just in a video but in conversation. I wish I could sit with him, like we used to, on the couch all curled up and just shoot the breeze. God, I miss him so much! Of course I've missed him from the beginning of this horrible tragedy.

It's hard to explain how it works inside of me. I'll try. First, it's missing him - his physical being, his presence, his contribution to our lives, our family. So many things, actually. All of it. I don't know. I can't make sense of it in words. I just miss all of the little things that you don't think about on a daily basis b/c it's just life. I miss Steve's way of being and how that always kept our household happy! I miss hearing his voice calling me "Karlita, my love." I miss hearing him say to me "Tu eres mi corazon" in what he thought was pretty perfect spanish - it was pretty good. He used to come home to all "his girls," including our dog Lily, and say really loud "Well helllllooooo there!!!" All the girls had to pretty much stand in line to welcome him home. Usually Lily was 1st b/c she ran to him & practically jumped 6'2" to his face! Then, there were Ciana and Ella, not necessarily in that order. Of course, I let everyone else get their turn & I was last. I didn't ever mind, though. I just loved seeing the girls get excited to see him & seeing how happy he was to get such a welcome. He'd always say he was the king of the castle and I was his queen.

Steve would get cranky sometimes b/c he couldn't surf as often as he'd like. Then he'd have a good day of surfing. He would come home & be so happy! He would put his hands on my arms and gently shake me, while looking me in the eyes. He'd say: "I LOVE YOU!" I'd say "I love you too." He'd say, "I don't think you understand...I LOVE you!" I'd say "I love you too, Steve." He'd go on to thank me (every single time) for being such an awesome wife and being okay with his surfing, saying that a lot of women wouldn't be okay w/their husbands going off to surf. I always reassured him that I'd feel horrible if he didn't surf, especially b/c he didn't think I liked it. I couldn't deprive him of the one thing he loved most, other than God & family.

I'm so sad. It hurts to miss someone this much and know that you can never see them, touch them, smell them, feel them or anything with them again. How do you get past that? How can you ever find anyone else that will make you feel that way again? It's horrible.

I feel like I'm going through the motions. My kids make me happy but when I'm happy b/c of them, I think about Steve and it makes me sad. He's missing out on all of it. How is any of it fair?

Steve, I wish you were here, still. I would give anything to have you back, mi amor!

Update

Here's what's new...Nothing.

There has been another pretrial date set. So, the waiting game continues. I'm so tired of this crap!

Steve loved St. Patrick's Day, considering he was 1/2 Irish.

Cornstarch

A little on the light hearted side.

Ella had started to climb out of her crib a few months ago, so I had to put her crib up against the wall and sort of "cage" her in (for lack of a better word). I didn't want her to keep falling out & getting hurt.

Anyway, I was cleaning up in her room the other day and set a box of cornstarch on her dresser that is up against the edge of her crib. I forgot to move the cornstarch.

Yesterday, I put Ella down for her afternoon nap. She cried a bit & after a while she was quiet. That's usual for her. Shortly after, though, she started crying again. It wasn't a real cry, sort of whiny. Then I heard her saying "dirty." I thought eventually she'd fall asleep. She continued with this whiny cry and saying "dirty."

I finally went in her room b/c I wanted to see why she kept repeating "dirty." Well, when I opened her bedroom door, here's what I saw:

AND

I was cracking up! I also took a little video clip! She was enjoying playing in it!

Steve really would've gotten a kick out of this! His words replayed in my head: "If she's anything like I was when I was a kid, we're in for it!" I guess I'm in for it b/c she's so much like him! I'm so grateful for that.

Obituary

Back in November, I got a bill from Baldwin Fairchild (funeral home) for almost $350. I had no idea what this was for b/c I knew for a fact that there was no outstanding balance left. Everything had been taken care of shortly after Steve's services.

The first time I called, I couldn't even get through to the rep that was listed. I gave up b/c I tried and tried. Super frustrating. I called again a day or so later. I finally got a hold of Marta at ext. 4. She said the bill was for the obituary! I couldn't believe it!! Are you serious? First of all, the day that we were at the funeral home, making all of the funeral arrangements, my sister in law gave her credit card # to pay for the obituary. I was there! She was sitting right next to me when she did so! Second of all, if they're claiming the obituary wasn't paid for, why the hell are they waiting until NOVEMBER??? 10 months later!

Now they're claming they don't have a record of my sis in law's credit card payment. And, of course, the guy that helped us through all of the planning doesn't work there anymore!

I told this woman, Marta at ext. 4, that my sis in law paid for it. My sis in law called her and has left messages, hasn't heard back from her. They sent me a certified letter saying that if I don't take care of the balance, they're going to send me to an outside collection agency! And just last week, I got another call from Marta saying the same thing! They'll have no choice to send me to collections! I could call her back and pay the balance, or better yet, go to the funeral home, in person and pay the balance there!! Such crap!

Signs??

I had a dream about Steve the other night. When ever I dream about him, it's always short and sometimes I have a hard time remembering the details. Here are some of the details I remember. He was laying down on his stomach (don't know where or on what), he had his shirt off. He had his head turned to the side, resting on his arms (hope you can picture it). I walk up to him, kneel down next to him and lay my head on his back, between his shoulder blades. I guess he was sleeping. When I put my head on his back, he lifted his head up and asked me "What happened to me?" I couldn't answer. He said to me "This isn't supposed to be happening." We kissed softly. That's all I remember.

It sucks. I wish he would stay longer. I wish we had conversations that I could remember! I miss him so much.

Every day, I look over at "his table" where I have several pictures of him, his ashes, his flag & a "hero" statue that Misty gave me. I tell myself I can't believe that this is all I have physically left of him. I had that same thought today. Today is hit me harder for some reason. I picked up each picture frame, one by one & just kept saying "I miss you so much! I miss you so much!"

I have a friend, Leigh, who lost her dad to cancer this past August (08). She and I have known each other since the 7th grade - going on 20 years. Her parents were what everyone would say was the perfect couple! They were both awesome! His death devastated her, her mom, brother & everyone that knew him. She and I try to console each other when we talk and just try to be there for each other, since we sort of understand each other's loss.

Today, I got a package in the mail. It was from Leigh's mom, Joni. There was a book in it called "Hello From Heaven." She also enclosed a card that was just so touching. As I was crying, reading what she had to say, I was telling myself what great people they all were - Leigh, Joni & the late Lance. I was lucky to have these people care about me. Joni also enclosed a prayer that she told me she has to say everyday.

As a believer in God, this prayer is so appropriate. I'm sure most of you have heard or read at least the beginning. Here it is:

God, grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, Courage to change the things I can and the wisdom to know the difference. Living one day at a time; enjoying one moment at a time accepting hardship as the pathway to peace. Taking as He did the sinful world as it is, not as I would have it. Trusting that He will make all things right if I surrender to His will. That I may be reasonably happy in this life and supremely happy with Him forever in the next. Amen.

It was just so appropriate to me that I got this wonderful package from Joni, who is also suffering the loss of her husband.

Then, tonight I took the girls to church. Ella goes to the child care where she gets to play, Ciana goes to the children's church (which she loves) and I go into the adult service. I think I realize it more and more, everytime I go to church. This is where I feel him the most. Not just God's presence but Steve's too. Everytime I go, I cry. For so many reasons. I miss him, I wish he were there w/me, it sucks to be at church alone sometimes and I can imagine how wonderful it must be to be in Heaven with Jesus!! I wonder what Steve is feeling, being in Heaven w/his God but being away from his family here on Earth. It's beyond my comprehension!

Everything combined, starting from the dream to Joni's package to the overwhelming feelings I get when I'm in church. Are they signs from my beloved?

no news

I was told by my victim advocate at the state attorney's office that we were welcome to go to the pre-trial but it's pretty much a cattle call. She said the docket was going to be very full today and there was no telling what time they'd call our case. Along w/that, Alan Mompoint wasn't going to be there. Apparently his attorney is taking care of it. That scares me.

Tomorrow, both parties will have a meeting in the judges chambers to discuss the case and things like sentencing, etc. I was told that Melissa Clark will be discussing the things that we talked to her about. I am still really nervous about it and not feeling very hopeful!

I pray for Melissa Clark so that she make our arguments for us, the way we wanted them to be made. I pray for the judge assigned to the case. I hope he sees our side and that Steve was taken from us unwillingly! He wasn't sick, not ready to die! Alan Mompoint disobeyed the law in so many ways! I hope the judge takes that into consideration & the most obvious factor - an innocent man was MURDERED!

Pre-trial

This Thursday, the 26th is the pre trial date. I will be at the courthouse at 8:30am and I will be there until I know if the case will be going to trial or not yet.

I'm so nervous b/c I don't know what to expect. I'm just so scared that this person, Alan Mompoint, will get away with murdering my husband!

Tonight, Ella stayed with my wonderful mother in law since I will be back in the morning anyway. That gave me the wonderful opportunity to have some "mother-daughter" time w/Ciana. We decided to go to the movies and watch "Confessions of a Shopaholic." It was really cute & funny, by the way! On the way there, we were jammin out to some random music on my iPod. She LOVES Michael Buble and as we arrived, one of his songs was cut short so we could make it in on time.

We made it on time, got our tickets, popcorn, pretzel, candy, drink. Saw the movie, laughed a lot & loved it! In the car, on the ride home, the Michael Buble song that was cut short came back on the iPod. It's a song called "A Song For You." When the next some came on, Ciana asked me to pause it. I hit pause and she said, in a quivering voice, that the song that was just on made her cry. At that point, any holding back of tears she was trying to do went out the window. She was crying, looked at me and told me how much she misses Daddy! She said the song made her cry b/c it said "and when my life is over, remember when we were together..." Of course, I started to cry too! I couldn't help it! I'm so emotional and hearing my daughter cry about how much she misses her daddy - what do you expect, right?

At that moment for a quick second, I was angry. Not with Ciana but furious that Alan Mompoint is free right now. He killed my husband and may not ever serve any time in jail! For the rest of our lives, we will suffer at times b/c of how much we miss Steve. Does Alan Mompoint care? No. He doesn't give a shit! If he did, he wouldn't have had such blatant disregard in driving the way he did!

How are we supposed to deal with this? And what IF he doesn't go to jail? In the back of my mind, I have some hope that the justice system is still on our side but I am losing faith!!!

my promise

I promise that not everything I post here will be sad, tragic and depressing. Steve was an amazing man & lived an admirable life. There are so many happy things I can and will tell about. He was awesome!