Gone too soon

I was watching some of the Michael Jackson memorial and couldn't help but think of Steve the entire time. I was saying to myself, as I'm sure everyone is, "I can't believe Michael Jackson is dead." At the same time, as I've been doing for almost a year and a half, I keep saying "I can't believe Steve is gone."

It hurts me to see his family mourning. It takes me right back to the day Steve was taken from us. It took me back to the night in the funeral home, sitting in the front row, staring at my husband's 6'2", 195lb body laying in a coffin that was too small for him; not looking anything like the Steve that we knew. It took me back to the day at the church when Billy had to literally hold me up as another member of the United States Air Force handed me Steve's flag & saluted it.

If you haven't gone through this, which I don't wish on anyone, the pain is more than emotional. There are many times when my body aches. I just miss him, his being, his voice, his smile, his goofiness, everything. And it physically hurts to know that he will never be back. There is nothing anyone can do to bring him back to us. It hurts so much.

So, updates on the case? Nothing much. Another pretrial taking place this week. I was told that we'd more than likely be going to trial this month but b/c there were so many conflicts w/people's schedules, they're going to try for next month.

If you are following this blog & live locally, please feel free to come to the trial!! It is open to anyone! Once I have a date & time, I will definitely let everyone know.

The girls are both growing so quickly! They make me so happy and I am such a proud mommy! Ella is talking so much more now and her favorite response to me, unfortunately, is "no mommy." But I know it will pass. Steve would be very proud of both of our girls!

You are always in our hearts & thoughts, Steve. Words cannot describe how much we miss you, corazon!

This picture is from Ciana's 9th b/day party. It was less than a month before Steve's accident.